If this is too simple for you, then you’re missing the point.

Does your work feel directionless? Over the last 15+ years of leading and managing people, I’ve helped bring clarity to many people’s lives. Here are the three best questions to help you live with focus and intention.

1. What fulfills you?

2. What motivates you?

3. What entertains you?

What fulfills you?

The work that fulfills you gives you a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. It's the deep kind and not the kind you feel after mowing the lawn or getting your to-do list done. It's living in a way that you know that the work you do gives you a sense of soul level satisfaction. It makes you proud of the work you do. Most often, we don't get to spend 24/7 on work that fulfills you. It's not the way that life works. However, it should be a drumbeat in your life. You should have consistent opportunities to do what fulfills you. When identifying what fulfills you, make sure it's something that helps others. Doing things for only yourself is always shallow and short-lived.

What motivates you?

The kind of work that motivates you gives you a sense of purpose. It clarifies your why. It gives deep meaning to your work. One of the pitfalls of thinking about purpose is getting caught up in the idea that it should be the only thing you should be doing. That's the wrong way of thinking about purpose. Your purpose or what motivates you is the meaning and foundation of your work. When identifying what motivates you, make sure it's something that is rooted in your own story but for the sake of others.

What entertains you?

This question surprised me because I didn't realize how important it was. Identifying what entertains you is your fuel. What entertains you gets you up in the morning. When you have something fun to look forward to, then it's easy to get going. Habit loops that involve fun are magical. This is not shallow entertainment, but this is something that you find fun despite the hard work it requires. So, when identifying what entertains you, make sure it's something challenging and when you do it you lose track of time.

Here are my answers as examples.

1. What fulfills me? I'm fulfilled by coaching people and helping them reach greater levels of living than they thought possible.

2. What motivates me? I'm motivated by protecting kids from abuse due to their parents’ poor money decisions.

3. What entertains me? I'm entertained by solving hard problems, particularly business problems because they involve so many variables. (It's also why I love Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu!)

Answering these questions clearly for yourself will create direction. Not answering these questions or having shallow answers will leave you in a frustrating place. It takes work to think through all of this but it's well worth it. The process of determining these answers will refine you.

Steps to Answering These Questions

Here's how to get started in answering these questions for yourself. Before you begin, keep in mind that this should feel like a progression with many various and will not feel like a light switch (unless you've already done similar work on yourself). So here are the steps.

1. Write down your instinctual answer for each question. It shouldn't take you more than 5 minutes. It's the first answer that comes to mind. The enemy to this process is thinking you have to find the perfect answer.

2. Over the next few days and multiple times each day, read your answers and make changes. You can tweak words or you can completely change them. Keep working on the answers until you feel like they are directionally 70% there.

3. Everyday thereafter for a month, read your answers and only make small tweaks as necessary. If you find any yourself with an answer that feels like it doesn't fit, then go back to Step 1 for that particular question.

It's important to note that faith or philosophy are the underpinnings for any of the answers you give. My faith in Jesus is at an identity level where everything I do comes from. When answering these questions, avoid religious or philosophical answers as they won't actually give you the kind of clarity you need to live each day.

We've all heard the adage "time is the only unrecoverable resource". Stewarding your time isn't about what you achieve but how you choose to live in the small moments of your life. Answering these questions with specificity and clarity will unlock focus and intention.

What fulfills you?
What motivates you?
What entertains you?

If you got this far in this post, then I’d like to remind you of the gratitude we all ought to have to have the means and ability to think about these questions.

We all have made mistakes in our past and have hopes for our future and neither of these have any material impact on our present.

You should certainly learn from your past and your future hopes point you in a direction, but your feet must walk in the present. When your feet are anchored in the past and the future, you can't move very well. When your feet are so wide you can't move, you'll find yourself pissing on the present.

Try it now. Spread your feet wide. Spread them wider if you find yourself reaching far in the past or the future. Now, try to walk forward. If your feet are too wide, you'll feel how stuck you are. You can only move forward when your feet are under you.

Quit dwelling on what you cannot control, namely the past or the future.

(These words were from my sports psychologist in college, Dr. Neyer. I'm thankful for her for coaching me through a rough season of my life. Thanks for helping me stay present.)

If you're not intentional about how you coach, you won't be nearly as effective in developing the people you lead. Here's my 5-step coaching process.

1. Observe

Be where the action is and be on the lookout for coachable moments. You'd agree that it would be insane if a football head coach did their coaching from 2nd hand information. I see leaders trying to coach from 2nd hand information all the time. These coaches spend more time being detectives rather than coaches. Be in the team meetings as they wrestle with problems. Be in the sessions where teams are breaking down work. Be in the moments when conflict happens.

2. Teach

Take the time to break down an idea in a way they can understand it. Help the person understand the pieces that go into the idea. If you're working on "people smarts", describe in detail what they are and why they are important. Teaching is about helping people understand the "why" through understanding the "what". The "what" by itself isn't grounding, but the "what" in context of the "why" is powerful.

3. Model

The most practical job of a leader is to model what "good" looks like. If you're challenging something to be better, don't just explain it. Show them what better looks like. It's best if you can show it yourself, but at least bring in examples. It's important for the coach to know what "good" looks like because it's as much as how it feels as being able to explain it. Can you imagine working with a tennis coach who can't demonstrate a good serve?

4. Practice

You can't grow without discipline. After a person has seen it modeled, they need to practice it for themselves. As their leader, create opportunities to put new skills into practice. Don't skip this step. It won't stick without practice. There isn't an easy "change" button. You have to put things into practice. And be sure they practice it the way it was modeled, not the way they think is right. Every great musician had seasons where they copied their influences.

5. Personalize

Once people have practiced the fundamentals, they can make the skill their own. Most people what to personalize knowledge as soon as they learn it, but skipping practice undermines true understanding. You have to practice your golf swing before you develop a feel for the swing. Developing a feel for the swing is real confidence. This is the step where they can make an impact beyond the point you coached them to.

The main objection I get about this process is that it "isn't scalable". The process isn't scalable in terms of "reaching" more people with your time, but the outcomes are. Effective coaching gets multiplied by those you coach. This is how coaching is scalable. It's slower in the beginning, but compound interest is the result.

As a leader of people, focus on being effective. A process like this will help you be more effective and therefore a better coach.

Developing teams to operate in an empowered way depends on the leader to create the environment for it to happen. Here's what's needed.

Many leaders want teams to face diffi

cult problems and figure out a way to solve them. But teams struggle with the problems and spin out because they don't have the right conditions needed to solve them. Those teams are trying to work in an environment where it's impossible to be empowered.

Here are 3 conditions a team must have to be empowered to solve difficult problems.

1. A team must have the skills needed to solve a problem.

Imagine having to build a tree house. To build it with reasonable quality and speed, you'd need a collection of tools. Now suppose you had to build a tree house using just a saw. How frustrated and disempowering would you feel? Same with teams. When a team is given a problem to solve, does the team possess all the skills and people needed to solve the problem? It's your responsibility as a leader to ensure that the team has what they need to effectively and efficiently solve the problem.

2. A team must be allowed to focus on a problem.

I've worked with teams where they were trying to juggle multiple different projects of importance. The team feels defeated under the weight of all the problems on their plate and are unable to focus on a problem to completion. As the leader, it's your job to be clear about the priority of work and allow the teams to have focus to solve a problem. You get to this kind of clarity when leaders have a strategy: knowing what problems they want solved and the order they want them solved.

3. A team must have manageable dependencies.

Once an organization has multiple teams, it's typical for there to be dependencies between them. The goal isn't to remove dependencies as that would result in siloed and disconnected work. The goal is to create an environment where the dependencies are manageable by the teams. This means that leaders need to get out of the way in between teams. The leader's job is to provide the context needed for teams to make the right call. Let teams figure out their dependencies. They'll often find better ways to work together.

Most would agree that a weak leader just tells people what to do. Then why would you tell teams what to build? Too many leaders think their job is to tell teams what to build. Your job is to tell teams what problems to solve and give them what they need to solve them.

As the leader, give teams what they need, give them direction, and get out of the way.

It's not just taking action, being proactive, or being the first mover. It's deeper than that. ⬇️

There is a nuance behind initiative that needs better coaching. The nuance is the intensity of initiative. Here's how I learned this.

Most people unfamiliar with tennis believe that power comes from how hard you swing the tennis racquet. Power comes from the velocity of the racquet and velocity is created by the intensity of initiative. This intensity is produced by mindset and timing.

A tennis coach of mine explained that you can either "let the racquet hit the ball" or you can choose to "make contact with the ball". This may not seem like much, but it's the difference between believing you're making something happen versus hoping something will happen. This is the mindset you have to have with initiative.

With timing, you're not gripping the tennis racquet hard through the entire swing. This is what amateurs typically do and their hands get tired. What you're supposed to do to generate power is to tighten your grip only at the moment of impact between the racquet and the ball. This is all timing.

When you combine the mindset and timing you get the right intensity of initiative.

You see this type of initiative in everything:

→ tennis players making contact vs hoping for contact (mindset); squeezing the grip at the right time (timing)

→ boxers punch with intent vs hoping to land a punch (mindset); engaging the hips at the right moment (timing)

→ musicians playing notes with purpose vs hoping something sounds right (mindset); emphasizing notes at the right time (timing)

→ basketball players hitting a fluid shot vs throwing a ball up hoping it goes in (mindset); releasing the ball at the right time in a jump (timing)

→ communicator using the right words vs hope for the right words (mindset); using pauses and tone to make the words mean more (timing)

Repeating the right kind of initiative is what produces results. The activity of initiative will always fall short over time.

In organizations, initiative is

→ having the right conversations with people (mindset) before launching something (timing)

→ gathering up the right resources (mindset) before assigning a team to execute (timing)

→ refining the articulation of a strategy (mindset) before expecting people to make accurate tradeoff decisions (timing)

→ listening to customers to identify the right problem (mindset) before investing to build a product (timing)

As a leader or coach, make sure you recognize the difference and celebrate the right kind of initiative. If your people are struggling with the mindset, educate and develop new skills. If your people are struggling with timing, paint a picture of good timing and give them opportunities to practice it.

"Just keep showing up. Just keep putting in the work."

These BJJ (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu) mats have replaced coffee at 6am for a while now. This quote has been an important coaching lesson.

It has been slow growth.

It has been painful.

It has been frustrating.

It has been amazing.

It takes a person training 3-4 times a week about 10 years to get to black belt in BJJ. I'm on the 15-20 year plan. 😅

My coach has repeated this over and over. You see, all the instruction in the world can't replace time on the mat. I have to consistently put the instruction to the test otherwise there will be no fruit. There has to be a struggle for skills to mature.

This is also true in developing others. Too often, people aren't emotionally and mentally ready to put in the effort it takes to grow. All of us know this conceptually, but do you know this in your gut? Knowing this in your gut creates a fire to get through the challenges and pain. You develop a real grit, the kind of grit that makes progress.

This quote isn't about showing up to a workplace. But showing up every day to push yourself. It's about having a resolve to be 1% better each day. There's no shortcut. There's no easy button for personal growth.

So, remind and encourage those you lead. Remind them that they are on their own journey. Remind them to "Just keep showing up. Just keep putting in the work."

Here's why.

Imagine if football teams did all their coaching in film study. That's the equivalent of doing most of your coaching in 1-1s. I'm not saying that coaching in 1-1s is helpful, but it's not where the impact happens.

Real change from coaching happens in the moment. As the leader, you have to witness the details and circumstances of the coaching opportunity. Moreso, the person you're leading will absorb and learn better in the moment because they'll have the opportunity to either immediately adjust or concretely associate a correction with specifics making it stick.

A football coach is right there adjusting positions, making play changes, and providing players feedback right after plays.

A piano teacher makes technique corrections and nuanced changes in phrasing as a pianist plays a piece.

My tennis coach was right there correcting my swing, adjusting my stance, and providing tactical feedback immediately after shots were made.

You have to be in the moments where coaching opportunities exist. If you're hearing about coaching opportunities only when other leaders or your direct reports are bringing them to you, then you're not going to be effective in creating change in them.

Here are possible moments where you can coach in the moment:

• Get in the team meetings and see how they are being led

• See how they are working through breaking down problems

• Observe how they are interacting with people where there is conflict

• Work through projection numbers people are working through

• Build presentations with team members rather than only give feedback after the fact

You're probably asking that these examples "don't scale", but that would not be true. I'm all about delegating work and outcomes, but if those people aren't effective in getting the job done then help them get the job done. Develop and grow people. I get it if they don't have the capacity to get it, but it doesn't excuse you from spending the time to develop people.

Don't rely on 1-1s to do your coaching. Be in the moments where coaching can be quick, specific, and actionable.

Here are the top 3 biases that I look out for when I'm coaching people.

1. Confirmation Bias

This is the tendency to favor information that confirms a belief. I'm a big proponent of using the Scientific Method in problem solving and one of the core ideas is to disprove a hypothesis rather than finding evidence that supports a hypothesis. It is 100x more effective to explain why an idea is bad vs having a list of reasons why an idea is good.

Application: Listen to how people talk about ideas. Do they spend more time poking holes and finding gaps in knowledge or do they spend more time selling the idea? I'm pretty sure we've all been victims of being sold "great" ideas that were a waste of time.

2. Fundamental Attribution Error

This is the tendency to heavily attribute their own positive outcomes to character and their own negative actions to circumstances. The way it often plays out is if a person delivers a project with a positive outcome, they attribute it to their hard work and intelligence. But if they deliver a project with a negative outcome, they attribute it to the circumstances of the project such as bureaucracy or lack of leadership support. The truth is it's a combination of character and circumstances all the time. Another classic example is when two people on a team have a conflict, one party criticizes the other around character traits while they explain themselves with circumstances.

Application: The main problem with fundamental attribution error is it undermines one's agency, the ability to make something happen despite circumstances. Help people develop a sense of ownership of both positive and negative outcomes while keeping circumstances as neutral participants in a situation.

3. Curse of Knowledge

This is the assumption people can imagine not knowing something. Many presentations are created with the assumption that they can effectively build one for people who don't know about a topic when they are the expert. You cannot un-know what you know!

Application: People have to get feedback from others who don't know and determine the best way to communicate things. When you are communicating ideas to your team, take extra time providing context for your ideas. When trying to launch new ideas, create tests in the marketplace or customer base to see if the ideas resonate. This is a simple idea, but rarely or ineffectively practiced.

As with all coaching, you have to catch these biases in the moment so you have to be there when it happens and be on the lookout for these biases.

What biases do you look out for to help people think more clearly?

She said something that will forever change the way I think about the wounds and failures of the past. What she told me may change something inside of you. Here's what she said.

"It belongs."

So much of my relationship with my past has been a battle to diminish it or purge the hurt from my mind. These words showed me a different way to see my wounds.

You see, she helped me see how who I am today has been deeply shaped by those hurts and failures.

My wounds have made me a better husband.

My hurts have made me a better father.

My failures have made me a better friend.

My pains have made me a better follower.

My sadness has made me a better leader.

My past belongs in my story.

All the unwanted experiences in my life belong in my life. They have shaped me. They created bad habits that I get to change. They developed patterns that protect me. They gave me "never again" mindsets that now make me better to others. They all belong to who I am today and will continue to shape me.

What "it belongs" taught me changed how I lead others. It's changed how I view failure and now help others see failure in a different way. If you lead others with a mindset that failure belongs in their story, it will change the way you lead. You will be more patient. You will encourage more. You will serve better. Your care for others will deepen.

Do you see that your past belongs in your story?

It's natural to want to relieve pressure. But trouble starts when you give into relieving discomfort. 👇🏻

I really don't like to be uncomfortable. I'm certain you don't like to be either. Being uncomfortable can be the lack of sleep due to a newborn. It can be soreness after a tough workout. It can be stress from a deadline. Or it can be a conversation you have to have with someone. All these examples of discomfort are temporary. When you are faced with temporary discomfort, they are an opportunity to grow.

Rather than focusing on relieving temporary discomfort, lean into it. Lean into temporary discomfort because it'll give you insight into real growth opportunities.

Weight training was a regular part of my routine as a collegiate athlete. It did not bring me joy. I remember the voices in my head in the middle of a 12-repetition set saying "you don't have to finish this set" or "should've put on less weights". Everything in my body and mind was looking for a way out of the discomfort. In that moment, I could have had the attitude of getting it over with but I had to reset my mind on why I was training and doing what I was doing. I had a responsibility. I had teammates. I wanted to win. So, instead of focusing on relieving temporary discomfort, I would focus on my form. I'd pay attention to my back posture or my knee positioning. I'd focus on the control in my grip. I'd even try to pay attention to the pressure on the bottom of my feet.

I've found that I do the same thing with everyday discomfort.

I was loading the dishes the other day and this was after a really long and tiring day. The voices in my head were telling me to do it in the morning. I do the dishes to help my wife. Instead of staring at the dishes, I started to load them. Then I started to further optimize where I put the dishes. I was seeing if I could put the cups in a different configuration to fit in more.

I know this is insane, but it's a real example of how to overcome the need to relieve temporary discomfort in every facet of our days.

Here's simple 3-step process for leaning into temporary discomfort:

1. Notice the inner voice.

2. Remember your why.

3. Focus on executing well.

Every time I've leaned into temporary discomfort is that I got better. It was incremental, but there's no other way to get lasting growth.

The problem with relieving temporary discomfort is that it robs you of the opportunity to have discipline over the inner voice wanting to be lazy, to quit, to avoid doing the work to grow.

"The more important a call to action is to our soul's evolution, the more Resistance we will feel about answering it. But to yield to Resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be." (Steven Pressfield, The War of Art)

As a coach, help others to lean into discomfort.

As a leader, lead by example.

This is advice given to me by an early tennis coach and it's advice that will help you focus on the things that matter. Here's how the story goes...

Anyone who's gone through learning a sport like tennis or golf usually gets caught up in thinking that the right equipment will make the difference between being good or bad at the game.

I was no different. I kept talking to this coach about how I needed a better tennis racquet and how the latest technology would help me play better. He kept encouraging me to stick with practicing the fundamentals and stay the course. I kept talking about getting a new tennis racquet. Until one day, he must have gotten fed up, and proceeded to pull out a really old, raggedy, wooden tennis racquet that looked like it was held together by hope and good luck. He used that old racquet to smoke me on the court.

Then he said, "it's not the wand, it's the magician."

We have to spend more time working on the fundamentals of ourselves. The fundamentals of ourselves include our biases, skills, mindsets, mental models, attitude, and all the other things that make up the patterns for how we think and behave. It's only when the fundamentals are in a good place that we can add tools and other external supplements to further enhance the fundamentals.

People early in their career put too much emphasis on tools and tactics. Coach them to develop the fundamentals.

How have you experienced this principle?

Every product manager makes decisions. Fewer own them.

That difference is leadership.

Product intuition is not about being right more often than everyone else. It is about being willing and able to decide when certainty is unavailable—and accepting responsibility for the outcome.

In practice, product intuition is experience compressed into judgment. It is what allows leaders to move teams forward without hiding behind data, process, or consensus.

Why This Is a Leadership Problem

Most meaningful product decisions:

• Are irreversible or expensive to unwind

• Happen with incomplete data

• Shape team direction and morale

Waiting feels safe. It is not.

Indecision is still a decision—one that transfers leadership upward, diffuses accountability, and slows momentum.

Strong product leaders develop intuition so they can decide clearly, explain their reasoning, and stand behind the call.

What Product Intuition Actually Is

Product intuition is the ability to make high-quality decisions under uncertainty.

It shows up when:

• The data is ambiguous

• The team is split

• The clock is running

It is not guessing. It is not preference. It is not ignoring evidence.

Good intuition works with data. It fills the gap when the spreadsheet ends and leadership begins.

The Decision-Making Components of Product Intuition

Product intuition is not a single trait. It is a set of decision skills that compound over time.

Knowing the User Well Enough to Decide

Leaders cannot outsource user understanding.

Strong intuition comes from knowing what users are trying to do, what they fear, and what tradeoffs they already accept. This allows leaders to predict second-order reactions before shipping.

When this is missing, teams over-test obvious answers and under-decide.

Framing the Right Decision

Most bad decisions start with the wrong question.

Leadership intuition shows up in framing:

• What decision actually needs to be made

• What constraints matter

• What does not need to be solved

Clear framing reduces debate. Poor framing guarantees churn.

Judging What Actually Matters

Not all decisions are equal.

Strong product leaders have a sense for leverage:

• What will materially change outcomes

• What is noise dressed up as rigor

• What can wait

This is why experienced leaders move faster with fewer regrets. They know which decisions deserve time—and which do not.

Seeing the Whole System

Product decisions create ripple effects.

Intuition accounts for:

• Behavior changes after launch

• Incentives created by metrics

• Operational and business consequences

Leadership means optimizing for the whole system, not a single win.

Exercising Taste as Judgment

Taste is decision-making applied to quality.

It allows leaders to say no to solutions that technically work but create confusion, clutter, or distrust.

Taste keeps teams from shipping products that are functional but undisciplined.

Operating Inside the Business Reality

Leadership intuition respects constraints.

It understands:

• How the business makes money

• What tradeoffs leadership is willing to accept

• Where flexibility actually exists

This prevents well-meaning product decisions from becoming strategic debt.

How Product Leaders Build Intuition

Product intuition is trained through responsibility, not theory.

Spend Time Where Decisions Hurt

Direct user exposure. Live launches. Real consequences.

Secondhand summaries reduce risk—and learning.

Make the Call

Recommendations do not build intuition.

Ownership does.

Leaders decide, explain why, and accept the outcome.

Shorten the Distance Between Choice and Consequence

Fast feedback sharpens judgment.

Long planning cycles with blurred ownership delay learning and weaken leadership.

Learn From Misses Without Offloading Blame

Strong leaders review decisions the same way whether they worked or not.

What mattered?

What was noise?

What principle transfers?

Challenge Your Own Intuition

When intuition conflicts with data or consensus, slow down—but do not abdicate.

Break the problem apart. Rebuild from first principles. Decide deliberately.

This keeps intuition disciplined instead of defensive.

Common Leadership Failure Modes

• Hiding behind data to avoid ownership

• Mistaking confidence for judgment

• Letting past wins harden intuition into ego

• Avoiding decisions to preserve optionality

Bottom Line

Product intuition is not optional for leaders.

It is the capability that allows you to decide when certainty is unavailable, align teams without consensus, and move forward with integrity.

When the data runs out, leadership begins.

Risk isn't distinguished between good and bad. It's more helpful to make the distinction between reckless and careful risk. Careful risk is key to growth.

There was this one time when I was playing with a knife as a kid. You know where this story is going. I was playing with a knife, trying to cut this plastic toy, but I didn't really know how to use a knife. I simply knew that it could do the job. The knife slipped toward my opposite hand and sliced into my finger. It was cut to the bone and my parents never found out (story for another day).

A few years back when my kids were about 10, I taught them how to properly use a knife on a camping trip. I taught them the parts of a knife, how to open the knife, how to hold the knife, knife safety, and techniques on how to use the knife. As they used the knife, I was scared that they would make the same mistakes I did. But I didn't stop them from using a knife.

Now, I let them use a knife when they want and I watch them, but they are appropriately careful with it. Have I seen them slip? Yup. Have I seen them make questionable decisions? Yes. Were they able to self-correct? For sure. Their attitude toward the knife was one with respect. They respected the risk. They were trained and they took risks carefully.

Without taking risks, you can’t grow beyond your current capacity. Taking risks might be putting an idea out there. It might be competing in a sport. It may be launching a new product. Or it could be championing a new idea. Whatever it is, you need it to grow. The difference is how you go about taking the risk. Will it be reckless or careful?

The same is true for those you lead. Coach them to respect risk. Teach the pitfalls of reckless risk. Develop skills to actively manage risk. Create systems to prevent reckless risk. Coach them to take risks carefully. Then give them the freedom to take the right risks. Then watch those people thrive.

Without these characteristics, your teams are destined to fail. Just kidding. But your teams will likely suck.

These characteristics will determine the level of impact teams will make. The more mature they are with these characteristics, the greater the impact they will have.

Here are the 3 must have characteristics of effective teams:

1. Teams must be cohesive.

Cohesive teams have a culture of interdependence. Each team member must have a sense of healthy dependence on other team members. Teams having a culture of independence know that outcomes will not be met if they don't work together. Team members know that they succeed when their team members succeed.

2. Teams must be adaptable.

Adaptable teams are able to manage change well. Adaptable teams not only handle change well, but they expect it and anticipate it. These teams understand that expectations always evolve as they make progress towards an objective. Team members each have a high level of agency allowing the teams to take action especially when circumstances and conditions aren't ideal.

3. Teams must be empowered.

Empowered teams have the skills needed to complete an objective, the ability to focus on an objective, and sufficient autonomy to make necessary decisions.

• Skills: An effective team has all the tools needed to get a particular job done.

• Focus: Effective teams don't go after more than one objective at a time. Yes, that takes discipline from leaders.

• Autonomy: Effective teams have minimal dependencies giving them the space to make the decisions they need to make to move fast. "Do as you're told" leaders suck the life out of teams.

Many of these characteristics depend on the leadership within and of the teams. It takes a certain level of leadership maturity for teams to develop an effective level of cohesion, adaptability, and empowerment. Afterall, effective teams don't make themselves. They are developed by leaders.

What are you doing to develop effective teams?

Can you control winning and losing?

You can't. Wrong you say? If you could control winning or losing, then wouldn't you win every single time? You can't control winning and losing because they are outcomes. You can't control outcomes. You can actively manage towards them, but you can't control them.

If you get this wrong when you're developing people, you're focused on the wrong things with them.

The core of effective coaching is helping people see and act on what's controllable. "Control the controllables" is what my college tennis coach would say when I get frustrated by circumstances.

There are only three things you can control:

1. Your attitude

You can choose the posture you have with your work, team, and circumstances. How you choose to respond is entirely up to you. How you show up every day is in your control. If you show up consistently with the right posture and perspective, you'll have a higher chance of getting the outcomes you want.

2. Your effort

You can control how much and the kind of effort you put into something. You have to show up and do the work, but you also have to do the work with intention. Effort gets a bad rap because most people, including me, fall into the trap of putting in a lot of "blood, sweat and tears" into something, but did you make progress? The right effort always makes progress, even if it's miniscule.

3. Your skills

You have a say in the skills you choose to develop. The level of skill you attain depends on many factors that you may not control (think running and jumping) but you can choose what you can develop. I have a believe that most people can become proficient in most skills in the workplace. They may not find mastery, but enough to contribute. This may take a lot of time, but it's in your control.

The biggest benefit of coaching your people towards the controllables is creating a bias for action. By focusing on what people can control, you have the ability to create motion. With enough motion in an attempt to go forward, you will find progress. And with enough progress over time, success is a probable outcome.

What do you think about controlling outcomes?

I recently attended a memorial service where I had the privilege of witnessing friends and family share stories of faith, hope, and love. I experienced the answer to this question. Here's what I experienced.

He passed away at the age of 29 after years of battling cancer. Story after story, people were talking about how he beautifully held the tension of his present determination to get better with his future hope from faith. People shared accounts of how his quiet introspection about the deepest questions of life while living out loud and bringing fun and joy to those around him. Most of all, people shared about how well he loved his wife, family, friends, and even strangers. It was irrational love by the world's standards especially considering his circumstances. You could sense that his love came from deep within, not of his own morality or effort, but from his faith. Until his last breath, he loved, he hoped, and he had faith.

There was one unexpected statement that was spoken about him that summarized his perspective: "He didn't lose the battle against cancer." You see, his future hope was clear. His perspective of the present was clear. The source of his life was clear.

How will you measure your life?

This was a question I read many years back and it has affected how I live and lead. It's been a journey trying to answer this question. It's a difficult question to answer because you don't get to see a good example of an answer very often. There's a gluttony of examples of people measuring their life with their wealth, their beauty, and their status, but this weekend I got to witness a measure that transcends these fleeting pursuits.

When I first tried answering this question, it went to pragmatic or tangible thoughts like "accomplish this" or "legacy that". I quickly realized the shallow nature of this line of thinking. Then I went to more philosophical ideas like "live fully" or "be faithful", but realized it was difficult to apply each day. And a few years ago, I got an answer that seems to work for the present and the future. And this memorial service reassured me of the answer.

Each person who shared a story about him had a name. They would introduce themselves by name as they shared stories about how he lived with faith, hope, and love. What if you measured your life by the list of individual names of the people you have deeply impacted? Who would you put on this list?

How will you measure your life?

For me, I will measure my life by how my wife feels loved, my kids inspired, and my friends sharpened.

This statement is founded on my faith, hope, and love of Jesus.

"Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love."
-1 Corinthians 13:13

Here's how you can tell.

One of the most important lessons I learned competing in tennis for over 14 years, including competing as a D1 collegiate athlete, is going from someone who learned to rise with pressure vs fall under it.

But I learned the hard way.

My first couple years of my collegiate career were successful with one of the best records on my team. Then came my 3rd year. I went on a 22-match losing streak. Holy &$%*! that was hard.

The more I thought about losing the more I found myself losing. The more I found myself in pressure situations, the more I thought about losing, the more I lost.

You see, the people who fall under pressure having things like this run through their minds:

"What if I lose?"

"What if I screw this up?"

"They are going to be so disappointed in me"

I wish I could tell a great story of bouncing back and redeeming myself, but I can't. My college tennis career fizzled out. But my transformation was well on its way.

As I reflected on my experiences, I had teammates who were amazing competitors. They were the type of people who would rise up to the level of pressure.

Here's the mindset of those who rise under pressure.

"This is what I've trained for"

"The pressure is the fun part"

"These are the moments I love"

My college tennis experience is a "never again" moment. I've since learned much more about myself and how much childhood trauma shaped how I deal with pressure. Now I can see things differently. My attitude and relationship with pressure is different.

Some people call this difference having a "positive mindset" vs a "negative mindset". It's so much deeper than this. It's a deep level of self-awareness, conviction, and identity. It's a visceral reaction deep down in your core.

You too can change how you respond to pressure and rise up in the face of it. I'll post about that tomorrow.

Best of all, when you transform this way, you'll be able to lead others this way and help them rise up under pressure.

What's your pressure story?

People who love solving problems make a bigger impact. Here's why...

People who love their discipline see the world through their discipline. They look at all the discipline's tools and tactics and see where they can use them. Essentially, they become a "hammer" and everything looks like a "nail". Activities often become more important than outcomes.

People who love solving problems see the world through the people who have those problems (at least good problem solvers). They look at the problem and see what tools or tactics are needed to address issues. Outcomes become more important than activities.

People who love solving problems have a greater sense of self-accountability to outcomes and results. They aren't concerned about how something is done, but their concern is progress.

Here are patterns to look out for when coaching people who love their discipline more than solving problems:

• they get excited about new techniques to try

• meetings are often filled with exercises that hide deep critical thinking

• they are constantly busy with tasks and seem to lack focus over a period of time

• they are confused between stakeholder buy-in vs stakeholder communication

• they depend on qualitative feedback loops vs measurable progress towards outcomes

Here are good questions to ask people who love their discipline more than solving problems.

1. What's the right problem we need to solve?

2. What business value are we delivering?

3. How are we measuring the work we're doing to the desired outcome?

4. Would you be happy with what you're busy with if you owned the business (and wanted to make money)?

5. What customer problems does your work align to?

How are you helping those you lead make a greater impact?

It doesn't have to do with how you run your 1-1.

It has to do with preparation.

The quality of your 1-1s is directly proportional to the time you are preparing for it.

As a leader, here's what it looks like.

1. Immediately after a 1-1, take notes.

Reflect back on what you listened to and key insights you heard from them. If you spend more time talking, take a clue as it'll be hard to reflect. For those who immediately say to yourself that you don't have the time, schedule it in.

2. In between 1-1s, compile questions.

Have an organized way to log questions you have for your direct report. It's important to have questions rather than topics to discuss because you ought to spend more time listening than talking.

3. Review notes & questions before your 1-1.

Before you go into the 1-1, review your past meeting notes as well as questions. This is a good time to prioritize your questions. The preparation helps ensure you are mentally and emotionally present with your direct report.

If you're saying you don't have time for all of this, well, it's called discipline. It's one of the most important things you can model for those you lead.

What makes 1-1s effective for you?